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| 2004-09-26 | What's Head? | Rating: 45/100 based on 304 votes. | ||||||||||
| A priest is walking along the street one day when a prositute stops him and says, "Hey Father, how about some Head for $10 bucks?" The priest is flabbergasted, mostly because he doesn't really know what she means. It bothers him all the way back to the church. Once there, he walks up to one of the nuns and says: "Excuse me Sister, What's Head?" She says: "$10 bucks, same as downtown!". |
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| 2004-09-26 | Rent for the Apartment | Rating: 55/100 based on 151 votes. | ||||||||||
| A young man met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend the night with her for $500. So they did. Before he left, he told her that he did not have any cash with him, but that he would have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT". On the way to his office he regretted what he had promised, deciding that the whole event was not worth the price. So, he had his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following note: Dear Madam, Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because when I rented the apartment I was under the impression that: 1) it had never been occupied; 2) that there was plenty of heat; 3) that it was small enough to make me cozy and feel at home. Last night, however, I found it had been previously occupied, that there was no heat, and it was entirely too large. Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250 with the following note: Dear Sir, First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is heat if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is, indeed, of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlady! |
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| 2004-09-25 | The Burglar | Rating: 54/100 based on 124 votes. | ||||||||||
| An escaped convict broke into a house and tied up a young couple who had been sleeping in the bedroom. As soon as he had a chance, the husband turned to his voluptuous young wife, bound up on the bed in a skimpy nightgown, and whispered, "honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. Just cooperate with anything he wants. If he wants sex with you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Our lives depend on it!" "Dear," the wife hissed, spitting out her gag, "I'm so relieved you feel that way, because he just told me that he thinks you're really cute!" |
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| 2004-09-25 | Twenty Dollar Proposition | Rating: 51/100 based on 77 votes. | ||||||||||
| An elderly Mr. Steinberg and the widow Joyce Cohen were sitting in the lobby of a retirement home. Mr. Steinberg, a widower himself, says to Joyce, "For five dollars, I'll have sex with you on that rocking chair over there. For ten dollars, I'll have sex with you on that couch. But for twenty dollars, I'll take you to my room, light a few candles and give you a romantic evening of passion you'll never forget." Joyce considers this for a moment and then, after digging through her purse, produces a twenty dollar bill. Mr. Steinberg says, "So, you want the romantic night in my room, eh?" Joyce says, "No, I want four times in the rocker." |
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| 2004-09-24 | Symbol of True Love | Rating: 48/100 based on 54 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q: What is the bird that represents America? A: The bald eagle. Q: What is the bird that represents peace and joy? A: The dove. Q: What is the bird that represents TRUE love? A: The SWALLOW! |
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| 2004-09-24 | Sexuality Test | Rating: 55/100 based on 55 votes. | ||||||||||
| There were 3 people named Corey, Shawn, and James that were said to be gay. They went to a doctor and asked her to test them to see if they were gay. She called the Corey in. She told him to clap if he liked what she said. First she said "blonde women", he clapped. Second she said "foreign women" and he didn't clap. Last, the doctor said "crazy women" and he clapped. She said OK, sent him out, and called Shawn. She said to clap if he liked what she said. First she said "blonde women" and he didn't clap. Second she said "foreign women" and he clapped. Last she said crazy women" and he didn't clap. She said ok, sent him out, and called James. She said to clap if he liked what she said. First she said "blonde women" and he didn't clap. Second she said "foreign women" and he didn't clap. Last, she said "crazy women" and he didn't clap. After finishing, the doctor asked him to go sit by Corey and Shawn for a minute. James clapped! |
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| 2004-09-23 | Condom Vending Machine | Rating: 56/100 based on 58 votes. | ||||||||||
| Note on a condom vending machine read: If this machine doesn't work, see the bar manager. If it does, see the barmaid. |
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| 2004-09-23 | Vacuum Salesman | Rating: 57/100 based on 53 votes. | ||||||||||
| This little old man was selling vacuum cleaners. He rang this door bell,and a very beautiful girl opened the door,wearing only a bathrobe. He said, "Lady I would like to demonstrate this vacuum cleaner for you." She said, "OK but first what do you think of this body?" She opened her robe and exposed her nude body. "It's fine, but I still have to demonstrate this vacuum cleaner." She took his hands and placed them on her breasts and told him to feel how soft and firm they were. "They are nice but I still have to demonstrate this vacuum cleaner." She then took his hand and placed it between her legs, rubbing his hands on her and said, "Isn't that so soft, warm, and moist?" He said, "Yes, but I still want to demonstrate this vacuum cleaner." She said, "Wait you had better come inside. I hear someone coming." They went in side and she dropped her robe. Standing there nude she asked, "What do you think is the most outstanding part of my body?" He said, "Well it has to be your ears." She said, "What do you mean my ears?" He said, "You know when you said to come in because you heard someone coming? Well it was me!" |
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| 2004-09-22 | Life is Backwards | Rating: 63/100 based on 40 votes. | ||||||||||
| The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. Life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? A death. What's that, a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs, alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, spend your last nine months floating . . . then finish off as an orgasm. |
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| 2004-09-21 | Lover's Lane | Rating: 56/100 based on 43 votes. | ||||||||||
| As the young couple parked in a crowded lovers’ lane, she sighed romantically: "It’s lovely out here tonight—just listen to the crickets." "Those aren’t crickets," her date replied. "They’re zippers." |
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