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| 2004-08-24 | Unusual Reunion | Rating: 55/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| A guy goes to his high school class reunion. Having not seen anyone in twenty-five years he's very curious as to who might show up. When he gets there he runs into his old high school sweetheart. They sit down and talk about the past. "How have you been?" he asks. "I've been fine, just fine," she replies, "Although I do have some good news and a little bad news, though." "Bad news first, ma'am." "Well, a few weeks ago I had to have a hysterectomy." "Oh my, that's too bad. I'm sorry to hear that." "But the good news is the doctor found your old high school class ring you thought you lost!" |
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| 2004-08-23 | Love Line | Rating: 30/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| A guy was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a palm reader's table. The mysterious old woman said, "For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future." He readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend." "That's true," he said. "Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?" "Yes," he shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?" "Love line? No, from the calluses." |
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| 2004-08-23 | Tiny Bikini | Rating: 40/100 based on 3 votes. | ||||||||||
| A 16-year-old girl bought herself a very tiny bikini. Very proud she came home and put it on. She then showed her mother how she looked in it. "What do you think mom?" she asked. Her mother replied: "If I wore that when I was your age, you would have been 5 years older." |
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| 2004-08-22 | Kiss it Better? | Rating: 60/100 based on 3 votes. | ||||||||||
| Little Johnny has just been toilet trained and decides to use the big toilet like his daddy. He pushes up the seat and balances his little penis on the rim. Just then the toilet seat slams down, and little Johnny lets out a scream. His mother comes running to find Johnny hopping round the room clutching his genitals and howling. He looks up at her with his little tear stained face and sniffles, "K-k-k-k-kiss {sniff} it better." Little Johnny's mother shouts, "Don't start your father's shit with me!" |
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| 2004-08-21 | The Neatest Little Thing... | Rating: 25/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| A preacher was visiting the old lady who played organ at the church every Sunday. He walked into her house, and couldn't help but notice that there was a condom in a fish bowl on her organ. They sat down to tea, and he asked her about it. "Oh, it's the neatest little thing! See, I was walking along one day when I noticed a square packet on the sidewalk. I picked it up, and it said to remove from package, keep moist and place it on my organ. It is supposed to protect against disease. And you know what? I haven't been sick once since I found it!" |
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| 2004-08-21 | Buying Condoms | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" The man matter-of-factly replies, "Those are called condoms, son. Men use them to have safe sex." "Oh, I see," replied the boy pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package?" The dad replies, "Those are for high-school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday." "Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6-pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men," the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday." "WOW!" exclaimed the boy; "Then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12-pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for . . ." |
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| 2004-08-20 | The Pesticide Condom | Rating: 23/100 based on 3 votes. | ||||||||||
| A farmer walked into a drug store and said to the Pharmacist, "I want me one of them thar condoms with pesticides on it. Where do I find 'em?" The pharmacist replied, "Oh sir, you must mean that you want the condoms with SPERMICIDE, not pesticide. They're on aisle 4." "No, no, I want me them thar condoms with PESTICIDE on it," growled the farmer. "Sir," said the pharmacist, exasperated from explaining, "PESTICIDE is for killing insects, SPERMICIDE is for killing sperm. I'm sure that you mean spermicide instead of pesticide." "Listen here, " argued the farmer, "I want condoms with PESTICIDE on them. My wife's got a bug up her ass, and I aim to kill it. |
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| 2004-08-20 | Ballroom Please | Rating: 40/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| A man enters a full elevator and shouts, "Ballroom please." A lady standing in front of him turns around and says, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was crowding you." |
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| 2004-08-19 | Contraceptive Advice | Rating: 47/100 based on 3 votes. | ||||||||||
| In the days before birth control pills, a young bride-to-be asked her gynecologist to recommend some sort of contraceptive. He suggested she try withdrawl, douches or condoms. Several years later, the woman was walking down the street with three children when she happened to run across her old doctor. "I see you decided not to take my advice," he said, eyeing the young children. "On the contrary, doc," she exclaimed, "Davey here was a pullout, Darcy was a washout, and Delores was a blowout!" |
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| 2004-08-19 | Gone Fishing | Rating: 47/100 based on 3 votes. | ||||||||||
| "I dreamed I was on vacation," one man said fondly. "It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What a dream." "I had a great dream too," said the other. "I dreamed I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life." His companion looked over and exhorted, "You dreamed you had two women, and you didn't call me?" "Oh, I did," said the other, "but when I called, your wife said you'd gone fishing." |
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