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| 2004-02-11 | Another 50th anniversary joke | Rating: 33/100 based on 3 votes. | ||||||||||
| There was an old couple who wanted to celebrate their honeymoon by doing the exact same thing they did fifty years ago. The wife lays on the bed and asks, "Honey, do you remember what you said to me on this bed fifty years ago?" The husband says, "Yeah. I said I wanted to fuck your brains out and suck your tits dry." "And?" says the wife. "Looks to me like I did a terrific job." |
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| 2004-02-10 | Umba Momba | Rating: 47/100 based on 3 votes. | ||||||||||
| There were three explorers who where walking through the forest of Africa, when suddenly they were caught by tribesmen. After being held captive for a week, the male chief comes up to the first explorer and says, "You have two choices to get out of here," "death or five minutes of umba momba." The explorer thinks that umba momba has to be better than death, so he says, "I'll take umba momba." The chief smiles at him, and then starts having sex with him for five minutes. After boning him, he lets the explorer go. Then he proceeds to the next explorer. "You have two choices: death or 30 minutes of umba momba." The explorer, not wanting to die, picks half an hour of umba momba. The chief then has sex with him for 30 minutes, then lets him go. Finally, he says to the last explorer, "Two choices: death or 1 hour of umba momba." The explorer thinks that this is absurd. After all, he was so rough on the other to while having sex with them that he gave them bruises. He thought that he might as well die. "I want to die." he says. Then the chief says, "Okay. You will die." "By umba momba." |
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| 2004-02-10 | Growing Wild | Rating: 33/100 based on 3 votes. | ||||||||||
| In sunny Califorina there was a man who was very proud of his tan. He had taned every part of his body except his penis. So wanting an all over tan, he decided to bury himself in the sand and leave only his dick out to get the all over tan that he craved. Now there happened to be an old lady (around 80) hobbling down that same beach. When she looked down and saw this penis laying on the sand. Taking her cane she touched it and it got hard. She said " 40 years ago I would have given anything for one of thoughs and here that are growing wild. |
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| 2004-02-09 | The Supermarket | Rating: 45/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| Three couples want to join the catholic church. There was an old couple, a middle-aged couple, and a newlywed couple. The priest says "If you want to join this holy church of the lord, you must abstain from sex for two weeks." The three couples, with this in mind, start their mission to join the church. Two weeks later, the three couples meet the priest. The priest asks the old couple, "How did you do?" the old couple says "No problem!" So the priest decides to let them in the church. Then the priest asks the middle-aged couple, "How did you do?" Then the couple says, "well, it was a little difficult, but we managed to pull through." The priest then decides to let them in the church. Finally, the priest asks the newlywed couple. "how did you do?" The husband says, "Frankly, we weren't able to do it." "That's terrible!" the priest says. "How did this happen?" The man says, "Well, my wife bent over to pick up a can of beans, and I was overwhelmed with lust and i had to take her right there." "Well, I'm sorry, my son, but i will not be able to let you in." "We know," the man says. "We're not allowed down at the supermarket either." |
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| 2004-02-09 | Red-neck | Rating: 30/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q-- How did the red-neck find his sister in the corn field? A-- "Not bad....pretty good!!" |
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| 2004-02-07 | Three Prostitutes | Rating: 27/100 based on 3 votes. | ||||||||||
| There were 3 prostitutes who all decide to try to lead a normal life. The bet way to do this, they decide, is to get married. The first prostitute, who had only be one for a few months, uses an elastic band to tighten her nether reigions so she doesn't appear to have been a prostitute. After the wedding, they are having sex, when her husband hears a TWANG he says "What was that?" She replies "Oh it was just my virginity breaking. The second prostitute has been one for over a year and she uses knicker elastick to tighten herself up a bit. After the wedding, they're having sex, theres a TWANG the man asks "what was that?", His wife replies "Oh it was just my virginity" The third prostitue has been one for almost 6 years, and has to resort to industrial strength rubber to tighten herself up. After the wedding They are having sex and theres a TWANG the man Asks "What was that?" She replies "Oh it was just my Virginity" the man says "well get after it its taken my dick off" |
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| 2004-02-07 | GAY BAR | Rating: 40/100 based on 3 votes. | ||||||||||
| What's the best pick up line in a gay bar? May I pull out your stool. |
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| 2004-02-06 | A GAY GUY AND A REFRIGERATOR | Rating: 15/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| What's the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator? The refrigetator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out. |
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| 2004-02-06 | Magic Dildo | Rating: 55/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| One day this lady decieded that her sex life wasn't what it used to be. So she wanted to introduce a sex toy of some sort. So she went to the nearst sex shop and asked the clerk what would make her sex life go through the roof! The sales clerk whispered I have a very special item in the back if you wanna take a peek... So the women went with the clerk to the back where he showed her the "Magic Dildo". He said to make it work you just say, "Magic Dildo pussy." or wherever you want it to fuck. The women was amuzed and she bought it. Once she got home she unwrapped the Magic Dildo opened her legs and said, "Magic Dildo pussy!" And the magic dildo fucked her brains out and the women instantly orgasmed! But she couldn't get it to stop and it was starting to hurt!!! She kept saying Magic Dildo stop but it wouldn't so she pulled it out and ran out of the house and when she turned the corner a police man stoped her and said," Ma'm why are you running naked down the street?" So she told him the whole story and he said," Magic Dildo my ASS!!!" |
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| 2004-02-05 | Cinderella | Rating: 23/100 based on 4 votes. | ||||||||||
| Long, long ago in a land far away, a beautiful girl wished on a falling star that she may go to a ball the the Prince was having. When magically appeared her very own fairy godmother, she granted Cinderella her wish and sent Cinderella to the ball in a beautiful blue dress with crystal slippers, a glorious carriage with 6 white horses and 2 handsome coachmen. She had one warning for Cinderella, she said " Cinderella, you have to be home by midnight, That is when my magic spell will be broken. Oh and one more thing, I have put a curse on you if you do not return home by the appointed hour your pussy will turn into a pumpkin." "Ok" said Cinderella. And off she went to the ball. The fairy godmother waited and waited and waited but Cinderella did not come home by midnight, she didn't return until 9am the next morning. The fairy godmother asked her "where were you? You knew that you had to be home by midnight" Cinderella replied, "I met a man.....his name is Peter-Peter" (for those of you who don't know who "Peter-Peter" is, he is a famous fairy tale "pumpkin" eater) |
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