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| 2004-04-16 | SAV-A-DIC | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Call 1-800-SAV-A-DIC! "Woman chops off sleeping man's penis and drops from moving car!" Don't laugh, it is true, and it can happen to you!! Right now thousands of agitated, irate women have read that headline and are contemplating similar action against you the next time you make an unwanted sexual advance, look at them the wrong way, or just upset them in general!! MEN PROTECT YOURSELVES NOW!! If you found yourself a victim of CDS (Chop and Drop Syndrome) could you be sure the appropriate authorities would find your chopped member in time and intact?? Could you be sure the penis part they found was yours?? Inquire now about our low-cost PenisProtectionPlan! * Plan 1: We'll register your penis and scrotum, plus tattoo them with their own unique registration number, ensuring that in case of separation, you will get a perfect match every time. Plan 2: Our Jurassic prick program. We'll take a cell sample from your penis and clone replacement parts for you in the event a trailer-tractor runs over your penis, or some wild animal mistakes your detached member for a chew toy. Plan 3: For those of you who believe in prevention, we offer a one size fits all, battery-operated, stainless steel jockstrap that can be worn when necessary. When you are asleep an alarm will be activated when metal or other hazardous objects come within one foot of the jockstrap. This will guarantee you a full nights sleep, free of worry. Don't get caught short... Call 1-800-SAV-A-DIC today!!! Remember . . . the dick you save could be your own!! * PRICES VARY ACCORDING TO SIZE. |
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| 2004-04-15 | Italian Marriages | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| An Italian woman married an italian man. The Italian tradition for newlyweds is to sleep at your mother's house on your wedding night and remain a virgin until you are married. After the wedding, the newlyweds went back to her mother's house. The man went up stairs and the woman stayed to talk to her mom. She said, "I don't want to go up there." Her mom said, "He's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll treat you well." When she got upstairs, the man took off his shirt. She ran back downstairs and said, "Mamma! Mamma! He has a hairy chest!" Her mom said, "All good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs and he will treat you well." When she got upstairs, he took off his pants. She ran back downstairs and said, "Mamma! Mamma! He has hairy legs!" Her mom said, "All good men have hairy legs. Go upstairs and he will treat you well." When she got upstairs he took off his socks. She noticed that half his foot was missing. She ran downstairs and said, "Mamma! Mamma! He has a foot and a half!" Her mom said, "Stay here! This is job for Mamma!" |
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| 2004-04-15 | Getting More Opinions | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| On a business trip to the Orient, Joe decided to spend his last night having wild sex with a Geisha Girl. Upon returning home three weeks later, he noticed a very weird green, festering sore growing on his Penis. He went to the doctor, Dr. Jones, who, after hearing of his Orient trip and extracurricular activities, told him he had Hong Kong Dong and the only cure was complete amputation. Joe was horrified, and decided to get a second opinion. Joe contacted Dr. Smith and showed him the green growth. Dr. Smith said "I am sorry but Dr. Jones is correct. We must amputate right away." Joe could not accept this. His friend suggested that he visit an oriental doctor. They must deal with this all the time. He went to Dr. Chu Wong. Dr. Wong agreed with the diagnosis of Hong Kong Dong, but said "These Amadican Doctors - so quick to Chop Chop Chop. Amputation not necesally." Joe was relieved. Dr. Wong said "You wait three weeks and it fall off on its own." |
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| 2004-04-14 | Why Are Cows Depressed When Milked? | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| At the Polish Agricultural University (P.A.U), the Professor was talking about increasing milk production of the cows, when a girl in the class asked: "Why do cows always seem depressed when being milked?" The Professor answered, "Well my girl, if every morning at dawn they woke you up, rubbed your boobs for two hours and didn't fuck you afterwards, you'll look depressed too!" |
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| 2004-04-14 | Winking Man | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| A man with a winking problem is applying for a position as a sales representative for a large firm. The interviewer looks over his papers and says, "This is phenomenal. You've graduated from the best schools; your recommendations are wonderful, and your experience is unparalleled. Normally, we'd hire you without a second thought. However, a sales representative has a highly visible position, and we're afraid that your constant winking will scare off potential customers. I'm sorry....we can't hire you." "But wait," he said. "If I take two aspirin, I'll stop winking!" "Really? Great! Show me!" So the applicant reaches into his jacket pocket and begins pulling out all sorts of condoms: red condoms, blue condoms, ribbed condoms, flavored condoms; finally, at the bottom, he finds a packet of aspirin. He tears it open, swallows the pills, and stops winking. "Well," said the interviewer, "that's all well and good, but this is a respectable company, and we will not have our employees womanizing all over the country!" "Womanizing? What do you mean? I'm a happily married man!" "Well then, how do you explain all these condoms?" "Oh, that," he sighed. "Have you ever walked into a pharmacy, winking, and asked for aspirin?" |
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| 2004-04-13 | First Viagra Baby | Rating: 10/100 based on 3 votes. | ||||||||||
| The first Viagra baby was born. It weighed in at 9lbs 7 inches |
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| 2004-04-13 | Prune Juice and Tang | Rating: 10/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q: What do you get when you mix prune juice & Tang? A: "Prune Tang" |
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| 2004-04-12 | What Size Am I? | Rating: 47/100 based on 3 votes. | ||||||||||
| The first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms, I was waited on by a beautiful young woman. She asked what size I wanted and I said I wasn't sure. So she asked now big I was and I said, "Compared to what?" She held up one finger and asked if I was that big. I said, "I'm bigger than that." Then she held up two fingers and asked if I was that big. I said, "I'm bigger than that." Then she held up three fingers and asked if I was that big. I said, "I'm about that big." She put the three fingers in her mouth and said, "You're a medium." |
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| 2004-04-12 | When Does Five Pounds of Fat Look Good? | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q: Whats the only thing that will make 5 pounds of fat look good? A: A nipple. |
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| 2004-04-11 | An Elephant's Perspective | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| An elephant walked by a naked man and asked, "How do you breathe through that?" |
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