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| 2004-04-21 | Gerbils in San Francisco | Rating: 10/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q. What did the brown gerbil say to the white gerbil in San Francisco? A. I see you're new in town |
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| 2004-04-20 | The Sex Therapy Clinic | Rating: 30/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| This elderly couple wander into the local sex therapist's office and tell the doctor that they would like him to watch them make love and give them a little advice. The elderly couple get comfortable and make love. When it's all over with, the doctor tells them he doesn't see a thing wrong with what they are doing, charges them the $32 fee and sends them on their way. A week later the same couple return with the same question. The get comfortable, make love, the doctor tells them again that he doesn't see a problem, charges them $32 and sends them on their way. But before the open the door to leave, the doctor asks "I don't see a thing wrong with your lovemaking? Why do you keep coming back?" The elderly man replys, "We can't do it at the retirement center, the Holiday Inn is $56 a night, and you're only $32 a session! |
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| 2004-04-20 | What NOT To Say | Rating: 55/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| A man was in a rare tender mood and made love to his wife and afterward held her close. "I love you terribly," he whispered. "You certainly do," was her reply. |
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| 2004-04-19 | Crabs? | Rating: 30/100 based on 3 votes. | ||||||||||
| This 80 year old woman thought she had the crabs, so she goes to the doctor. "Doctor I think I have the crabs." "When was the last time you had sex?" The doctor asks. "I have never had sex. I'm still a virgin." she replied. The doctor thought this was very strange so he told her to get on the table and he would examine her. After the examination he said, "I have some good news and bad news for you. The good news is you don't have the crabs. The bad news is you've got fruit flies." "Fruit flies?" asks granny. "Yeah," says the doctor. "Your cherry rotted." |
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| 2004-04-19 | Toughest Hooker In The Yukon | Rating: 10/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a Lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest toughest and roughest hooker in the Yukon," he said to the bartender. "We got her" replied the bartender. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right. The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the hooker and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked the door open on the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm looking for the meanest roughest and toughest hooker in the Yukon." The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found her!" Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles. "How do you know I want that position first?" asked the miner. "I don't replied the hooker, "but I thought you might want to open those beers first." |
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| 2004-04-18 | Cowboy and the Lesbian | Rating: 55/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| An old cowboy dressed to kill with cowboy shirt, hat, jeans, spurs and chaps went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him. After she ordered her drink she turned to the cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?" "Well, I have spent my whole life on the ranch herding cows, breaking horses, mending fences... I guess I am," replied the cowboy. After a short while he asked her what she was. "I've never been on a ranch so I'm not a cowboy," said the young woman, "but I am a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning I think of women. When I eat, shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women." A short while later she left and the cowboy ordered another drink. A couple sat down next to him and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?" "I always thought I was, but I just found out that I'm a lesbian." |
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| 2004-04-18 | Speeding Ticket | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| A young dating couple were driving down the road in a very busy area, when things started to get somewhat passionate. So they decided to pull over and park and have some fun. Things were really getting hot, and they were not paying any attention to what was going on outside. All of a sudden a policeman was tapping on their window. The cop could hardly contain himself. "Didn't you know that you are not suppose to be having sex in public?" he asked the couple. Being embarrassed at being caught said yes and apologized. "Well, he said, I will have to write you a ticket." So the cop wrote the ticket and reminded them next time to watch their behavior. After getting dressed the girlfriend asked her boyfriend what the policeman wrote the ticket for. He responded.... "doing 69 in a 35 mph speed zone!!" |
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| 2004-04-17 | Watch Your First Step | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket. The bus rolled up and it was her turn to board when she realized her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus. She was slightly embarrassed, but with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she STILL couldn't reach the step! So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a bit more and attempted the step once again. Much to her chagrin she still could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver, she unzipped the offending skirt once more and, again, was unable to make the step. About this time a big Texan that was behind her in line, picked her up by the waist and gingerly placed her on the step of the bus. Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" At this the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times I kinda figured that we were friends." |
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| 2004-04-17 | What Do You Call Two Lesbians in a Cabinet? | Rating: 27/100 based on 3 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q: What do you call 2 lesbians in a cabinet? A: A liquor cabinet. |
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| 2004-04-16 | When You Don't Have a Scale | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| A man decides he wants to have a pig roast, so he goes out to a pig farm to buy one. He agrees on a per pound price with the farmer and then begins to select a pig. "How about that one?" "OK, replies the farmer." The farmer then picks up the pig, puts its tail in his mouth, lets it hang from his mouth, and then declares, "This one weighs 74 pounds." "That's amazing," the man says, "are you sure you can tell a pig's weight by using that method?" "Yep," replies the farmer, "we've used this method in our family for generations." To prove his accuracy, the farmer puts the pig on a scale and it weighs exactly 74 pounds. "My son can do it too," boasts the farmer. And sure enough, the farmer's son comes over, puts another pig's tail in his mouth, lets it hang, and then says, "This one weighs 83 pounds." The farmer then confirms his son's accuracy with the scale. "My wife can do it too," says the farmer. "Son, go get your mother." The boy runs off to the house and returns a few minutes later. "Mom can't come out right now," says the son, "she's busy weighing the mailman." |
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