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| 2004-05-18 | Clam Digger | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| A beachcomber of twenty-five had been shipwrecked on a desert island since the age of six. One day, while in search of food, he stumbled across a beautifully sensuous female lying on the beach nearly naked; she'd been washed ashore from another shipwreck just that morning. After they got over their initial surprise at seeing each other, the girl wanted to know how long he'd been alone on this barren bit of land. "Almost twenty years," he said. "Twenty years!" she exclaimed. "But how ever did you survive?" "Oh, I fish, dig for clams and gather berries and coconuts," he replied. "And what do you do for sex?" she asked. "What's that?" He looked puzzled. Whereupon the bold maiden pulled the innocent beachcomber down onto the sand beside her and proceeded to demonstrate. After they had finished, she asked how he had enjoyed it. "Great!" was the reply. "But look what it did to my clam digger!" |
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| 2004-05-18 | Blood Bar | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Three vampires walk into a blood bar. The first two order 2 glasses of blood and the third one orders a glass of boiling water. The bartender thinks that it is kind of weird but doesn't say anything just gives them their drinks. The next day the three vampires walk into the bar and order the same thing, two glasses of blood and a glass of boiling water. The bartender still thinks it's weird but doesn't say anything, he doesn't want to be the vampire's next victim. But when it happened a third day, the bar tender couldn't help but ask why . . . "Okay, I know that the three of you are vampires so why do you two order glasses of blood but you always get a glass of boiling water?" The third vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, "I like to make tea!" |
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| 2004-05-17 | Anal Sex v. Microwave | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q: What is the difference between a micowave and anal sex? A: The microwave doesn't brown your meat. |
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| 2004-05-16 | Frustration - Defined | Rating: 20/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q: What is the definition of frustration? A: Two blind lesbians in a fish market. |
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| 2004-05-16 | What is the Speed of Sex? | Rating: 55/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q: What is the speed of sex? A: 68. Because at 69 you have to stop and turn around! |
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| 2004-05-15 | Naming of Body Parts | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q: Why do guys name their dicks? A: They don't want 95% of their decisions being made by a complete stranger! |
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| 2004-05-15 | What If? | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| A Guy asks his friend, 'If they were to drop the bomb right now what would be the first thing you would do?' His friend says, 'I would screw the first thing that moved, what would you do?' The first guy says, 'I would stand very still for half an hour.' |
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| 2004-05-14 | Lousy Lover | Rating: 55/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| It's the morning after the honeymoon, and the wife says, "You know, you're really a lousy lover." The husband replies, "How can you tell after only 30 seconds." |
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| 2004-05-14 | Born with Bullets | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| A pregnant woman walks into a bank, and lines up at the first available teller. Just at that moment the bank gets robbed and she is shot three times in the stomach. She was rushed to the hospital where she was fixed up. As she leaves she asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor says, "Oh! You're going to have triplets. They're fine but each one has a bullet lodged in its stomach. Don't worry though the bullets will pass through their system through normal metabolism." As time goes on the woman has three children, two girls and a boy. Twelve years later, one of the girls comes up to her mother and says "Mommy, I've done a very weird thing!" Her mother asks her what happened and her daughter replies, "I passed a bullet into the toilet." The woman comforts her and explains all about the accident at the bank. A few weeks later, her other daughter comes up to her with tears streaming from her eyes. "Mommy, I've done a very bad thing!" The mother says, "Let me guess. You passed a bullet into the toilet, right?" The daughter looks up from her teary eyes and says, "Yes, how did you know?" The mother comforts her child and explains about the incident at the bank. A month later the boy comes up and says, "Mommy, I've done a very bad thing!" "You passed a bullet into the toilet, right?" "No, I was masturbating and I shot the dog." |
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| 2004-05-13 | This Just In . . . Viagra Stolen! | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Last night, the Pharmacy in the General Store on the corner was robbed. Two men entered the back, with all the prescription drugs and stole the entire supply of Viagra. The police are now looking for a pair of hardened criminals. |
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