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| 2004-05-24 | Best Friend | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| A very depressed man walks into a bar. He sits down on a stool and orders a triple scotch. He quickly downs his drink and orders another. The bartender, seeing the man is in some distress, asks if he is alright. The man replies, "I just came home early from work and found my wife in bed with my best friend. I told her to pack her bags and go, it's finished between us." The bartender said "What about your friend?" The man replied, "I looked him straight in the eye and said... BAD DOG!" |
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| 2004-05-23 | Taste It | Rating: 15/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| A man had just picked up his girlfriend in his new convertible, and was driving by a hospital. At that time a baby was being circumcised, and the doctor did not have a receptacle handy to put the removed foreskin in, so he just chucked it out the window. It landed in the woman's lap, as the convertible passed by. She screamed and shrieked.. "Ahhhhh...what's that?!? The man replied... "Taste it, and if you like it I will give you a bigger piece." |
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| 2004-05-23 | New Name for Viagra | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| NEW DRUG IDENTIFICATION In pharmacology, all drugs have a generic name: Tylenol is acetaminophen, Advil is Ibuprofen, and so on... The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra, and announced today that they have settled on...... mycoxafailin |
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| 2004-05-22 | Newlywed Meals | Rating: 20/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| A young couple, married just a couple of weeks, returns from their honeymoon to face the beginning of their new lives. The next morning the husband wakes up, showers, dresses and makes his way to the kitchen where he sees his new wife crying. So the husband inquires, "What's wrong, Honey?" "Well, I came down here this morning to surprise you with a big breakfast, but I can't cook or clean." The husband smiles his biggest smile and says, "There, there sweetie! I don't care that you can't cook and clean. Come on up to the bedroom and I'll show you what I'd like for breakfast." So off they went to the bedroom. That afternoon, the husband comes home for lunch to find his new wife crying again in the kitchen. "What's wrong now, Sweetie?" "Well, the same thing as this morning. I came in here to make you something for lunch and I just can't cook." Again the husband smiles and says, "Why don't you come back up to the bedroom and I'll have my lunch there!" So off they went to the bedroom again. That evening the new husband comes home, walks in the house and sees his new bride naked sliding down the banister of the stairs. Up she runs, and WHOOSH down the banister. After the third trip the husband asks, "What are you doing, Honey?" "Warming up your supper!" she replies. |
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| 2004-05-21 | Sex Contest | Rating: 10/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| Two Kentuckians drove to a gas station in Indiana for a fill-up because they heard about a contest being offered by the station to patrons who purchase a full tank of gas. When they went inside to pay, the men asked the attendant about the contest. "If you win, you're entitled to free sex," said the attendant. "How do we enter ?" asked the Kentuckian. "Well, I'm thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right. You win free sex." "O.K. I guess 7, " said one Kentuckian. "Sorry, I was thinking of 8," replied the attendant. The next week, the two Kentuckians returned to the same station to get gas. When they went inside to pay, the other Kentuckian asked the attendant if the contest was still going on. "Sure," replied the attendant. "I'm thinking of a number between 1-10, if you guess right. You win free sex." "2" said the Kentuckian. "Sorry, I was thinking of 3," replied the attendant. "Come back soon and try again." As they walked back to the car, the first Kentuckian said to the other, "You know, I'm beginning to think this contest is rigged." "No way," said the other. "My wife won twice last week." |
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| 2004-05-21 | Why Didn't Dairy Queen Get Pregnant? | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q: Why didn't Dairy Queen get pregnant? A: She went out with Mr. Softee |
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| 2004-05-20 | Tie a Ribbon . . . | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| A woman has a dog who snores in his sleep. She goes to the vet to see if he can help. The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dogs testicles and he will stop snoring. A few hours after going to bed the dog is snoring as usual. Finally, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of ribbon, ties it around the dogs testicles, and sure enough the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed. Later that night her husband returns home drunk from being out with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep, and begins snoring very loudly. The woman thinks maybe the ribbon will work on him. She goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of ribbon, and ties it around her husbands testicles. Amazingly it also works on him. The woman sleeps very soundly. The next morning the husband wakes up very hung over. He stumbles into the bathroom to urinate. As he is standing in front of the toilet, he looks in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his scrotum. He is very confused. He walks back into the bedroom and sees a red ribbon attached to his dogs scrotum. He looks at the dog and says "Boy, I don't remember what the hell happened last night, but wherever you and I were, we got first and second place. |
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| 2004-05-20 | Peggy Sue's Father | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby's a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. When he goes to the front door, Peggy Sue's father answers and invites him in. "Peggy Sue's not ready yet, so why don't you have a seat?" he says. "That's cool." says Bobby. Peggy Sue's father asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the malt shop or to a drive-in movie. Peggy Sue's father responds "Why don't you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it." Naturally this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby and he says "Whaaaat?" "Yeah," says Peggy Sue's father, "Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she'll Screw all night if we let her!" Bobby's eyes light up and smiles from ear to ear. Immediately, he has revised the plans for the evening. A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while dad is saying "Have a good evening kids," with a wink for Bobby. About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her father: "DAMMIT DADDY! THE TWIST!!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST!!!" |
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| 2004-05-19 | How Did Dairy Queen Get Pregnant? | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q: How did the Dairy Queen get pregnant? A: Burger King forgot to wrap his Whopper. |
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| 2004-05-19 | Honeymoon Jitters | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| A couple is on their honeymoon. It's the first time they have ever slept together. The new wife goes into the bathroom to prepare herself. She comes out of the bathroom looking really hot. The new husband is lying on the bed. He looks up and says, "If you think I'm gonna stick my thing in there, your crazy!" The wife replies," But that's what your supposed to do on your honeymoon night." "No way, I'm not gonna do it." The wife replies, "Why?" "Because if I stick it in there, you'll bite it off." The wife laughs and says, "Where did you hear such a thing?" "My mother told me that women have teeth down there." "Oh honey, your mother just told you that because she didn't want you to have pre-marital sex. It will be fine." To this the husband replied," No way, my mother wouldn't lie to me." "Okay then, let me show you there are no teeth." She layed on the bed a spread her legs for her husband and said, "See. No teeth." To this the husband said, "Well no wonder you don't have any teeth, look at the horrible shape your gums are in." |
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