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| 2004-06-10 | PushUps | Rating: 55/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| An American tourist in Mexico wakes up in the morning and goes out for his workout. He drops and starts to take 20, when the Mexican bellboy shows up and says: "Eeeeh, henor, I think the heniorita has left!" |
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| 2004-06-09 | Driving to Chicago | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| In a mental institution a nurse walks into a room and sees a patient acting like he's driving a car. The nurse asks him, "Charlie, what are you doing?" Charlie replied, "Driving to Chicago!" The nurse wishes him a good trip and leaves the room. The next day the nurse enters Charlies room just as he stops driving his imaginary car and asks, "Well Charlie, how are you doing?" Charlies says, "I just got into Chicago." "Great," replied the nurse. The nurse leaves Charlie's room and goes across the hall into Bob's room, and finds Bob sitting on his bed furiously masturbating. Shocked, she asks, "Bob, what are you doing?" Bob says, "I'm screwing Charlie's wife while he's in Chicago!" |
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| 2004-06-09 | Speeding in the Nursing Home | Rating: 55/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| An old lady in a nursing home is wheeling up and down the halls in her wheelchair making sounds like she's driving a car. As she's going down the hall an old man jumps out of a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but you were speeding. Can I see your driver's license?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a candy wrapper, and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her a warning and sends her on her way. Up and down the halls she goes again. Again, the same old man jumps out a room and says, "Excuse me ma'am but I saw you cross over the center line back there. Can I see your registration please?" She digs around in her purse a little, pulls out a store receipt and hands it to him. He looks it over, gives her another warning and sends her on her way. She zooms off again up and down the halls weaving all over. As she comes to the old man's room again he jumps out. This time he's stark naked and has an erection! The old lady in the wheelchair looks up and says, "Oh no, not the Breathalyzer again!" |
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| 2004-06-08 | An Expensive Room | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| A husband and wife are traveling by car from Key West to Boston. After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they're too tired to continue, and they decide to stop for a rest. They stop at a nice hotel and take a room, but they only plan to sleep for four hours and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later, the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350. When the clerk tells him $350 is the standard rate, the man insists on speaking to the manager. The manager listens to the man and then explains the hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center that were available for the husband and wife to use. He also explains they could have taken in one of the shows for which the hotel is famous. "The best entertainers from New York, Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here," explains the manager. No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But we didn't use it!" The manager is unmoved and eventually the man gives up and agrees to pay. He writes a check and gives it to the manager. The manager is surprised when he looks at the check. "But sir," he says, "this check is only made out for $100." "That's right," says the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping with my wife." "But I didn't!" exclaims the manager. "Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have." |
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| 2004-06-08 | Beat That! | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Three guys walk into a topless dance club and sit down. When the women come out, the first one pulls out ten dollars, licks it and slaps it on one of the dancer's cheeks and says, "Top that!" The second one says "OK" and pulls out a fifty dollar bill and says "There! Beat that!" The third one says, "That's going to be tough to beat." So he pulls out his ATM card swipes it through the crack and pulls out sixty dollars. |
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| 2004-06-07 | 5 Year-Old's Birthday | Rating: 55/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| When I was 5 years old, my parents asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I said "I wanna watch." ... so they let me. |
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| 2004-06-07 | Wedding Night | Rating: 30/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| A small tourist hotel was all abuzz about an afternoon wedding where the groom was 95 and the bride was 23. The groom looked pretty feeble and the feeling was that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy, vivacious young woman. But lo and behold, the next morning, the bride came down the main staircase slowly, step by step, hanging onto the banister for dear life. She finally managed to get to the counter of the little shop in the hotel. The clerk looked really concerned, "Whatever happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!" The bride groaned, hung on to the counter and managed to speak, "Ohhh God! He told me he'd been saving up for 75 years, and I thought he meant his money!" |
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| 2004-06-06 | Definition of Suspicious | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q: What is the definition of suspicious? A: Two guys coming out of the bathroom; one with his fly undone, the other licking his lips. |
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| 2004-06-06 | Why Tampons Have Strings | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q: Why do tampons have strings on them? A: So the crabs can go bungie jumping! |
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| 2004-06-05 | Speaking in Code | Rating: 35/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| A husband and wife decided they needed to use certain phrases to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on their sex life. One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter." The child told her mom what her dad said and her mother responded telling her young child, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now because there's a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father the bad news. A few days later the mom told her "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now." The child told her father and came back to her mother and gave the father's response, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand." |
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