|
 |
| 2004-09-20 | Up or Down | Rating: 63/100 based on 19 votes. | ||||||||||
| A widow and widower lived next door to each other. They had been neighbors for over 30 years, but each had lost their spouse not too long ago. Over a number of weeks, they had become close. One day, the man asked the woman if she enjoyed fishing. Yes, she replied, she used to enjoy fishing with her late husband. The man agreed to pick her up at 6 a.m. the next morning. They went down to the river at the time they decided the next day, and began fishing. After a while, the man began to move the boat upstream. They came to a fork in the river and the man asked the woman, "Up or down." Being nice, he wanted to let her decide. The woman looked around, promptly took off all her clothes and jumped on the old man. They had passionate sex. After a while, they redressed and resumed fishing. Later in the day, they came to another fork in the river. Again, the man asked, "Up or down," and once again the woman stripped and another round of passionate sex commenced. That evening, upon arriving home, the man asked the woman if she would like to go fishing again the next day. The woman agreed. A little after 6 a.m. the next morning, they got to the river. As they came across that first fork in the river, the hopeful man asked the lady, "Up or down." "Down," the woman replied. A little surprised, the man headed that way. After a morning of fishing, they got to another fork. "Up or down," the man asked. "Up," the woman said. "Wait a minute," the man said. "Yesterday, when I asked that question, you took all your clothes off and we had passionate sex. What's going on?" "Well," the woman replied, "yesterday, I forgot my hearing aid and I thought you said 'Fuck or Drown!'" |
||||||||||||
| 2004-09-20 | Couch Trip | Rating: 53/100 based on 9 votes. | ||||||||||
| A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life. The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but didn't seem to be getting a clear picture of the problems. Finally he asked, "Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?" "Well, yes, I did once." "Well, how did she look?" "Oh boy, she looked VERY angry!" At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere and he said, "Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further. Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend's face once during sex. That seems somewhat unusual. How did it occur that you saw her face that time?" "She was watching us through the window." |
||||||||||||
| 2004-09-19 | Things NOT to Say to a Naked Woman | Rating: 36/100 based on 5 votes. | ||||||||||
| 1 Cool, I've never been to the Grand Canyon. 2 How many storage boxes can you fit in there?!? 3 You must be very experienced. 4 Remember, you said this was a freebie...right? 5 Wait, let me get a board and rope so I don't fall in. 6 I gotta take off my watch, wouldn't wanna lose it. 7 Why do you wear a bra when you've already got a belt. 8 Would you mind rolling around in this flour. 9 I heard carpenters dream about you. 10 So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality. 11 Look . . . I can get my whole arm in. 12 It's a good thing you have so many other talents. 13 Is that an optical illusion? 14 If I look right at it I feel like I'm falling in. 15 Would you mind wearing a paper sack on your head? 16 Do you mind if I wear one too . . . in case yours falls off? 17 Jeez...What ya got up there, dead fish? 18 I heard you could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. 19 Have you ever thought of working in a sideshow? 20 I've been wondering all night what that smell was. 21 Maybe if I get really wasted I wont mind your body. 22 You know they have surgery to fix that. 23 Everybody down at the bar said you were good. 24 Oh, that's why they call it a Wonderbra, it makes those lines go away. 25 Huh? They told me your name was Jezebel. 26 I expect a good time, at least, the bathroom wall said so. 27 You're not as ugly as people claim, not quite anyway. 28 You're not 'that' fat. 29 I see why everyone said, with you, it's better with the lights out. 30 Wow, you like it the same way your little sister does. |
||||||||||||
| 2004-09-19 | If Body Parts Could Talk | Rating: 51/100 based on 9 votes. | ||||||||||
| Feet Speaking to Penis: "Our master is so mean. He walked us around all day inside those hot, smelly shoes with no ventilation." Penis Speaking to Feet: "That's nothing! Last night he threw me in a dark cave and made me do push-ups until I threw up!" |
||||||||||||
| 2004-09-18 | Cucumber | Rating: 48/100 based on 9 votes. | ||||||||||
| Jane was becoming frustrated with her husband's insistence that they have sex in the dark. Hoping to free her husband from his inhibitions, during a passionate evening, she flipped on the lamp only to discover a cucumber in his hand. "Is THIS what you've been using on me for the past 10 years?" she exclaimed. "Honey! Let me explain!" he replied. "Why you sneaky bastard!" she screamed. "You impotent SOB!!" "Speaking of sneaky!" he interrupted, "Maybe you'd care to explain our 2 kids!" |
||||||||||||
| 2004-09-18 | The Most Venomous Snake in the World | Rating: 64/100 based on 5 votes. | ||||||||||
| NAME: "Expecteria Trouserius" (Trouser Snake) LOCATION: Throughout the world DESCRIPTION: Varying from pink to black. Fangless, with a highly venomous spit. Size varies from 3 to 12 inches, depending on its mood and subspecies. SYMPTOMS: This snake attacks, mainly women, in the lower front abdomen, resulting in an inconspicuous bump. Then, a severe swelling, followed by excruciating pain after nine months. The attack is not usually fatal. However, it has been known to attack men in the rear lower abdomen, which may result in an incurable disease and possible death. HABITAT: Usually found in bedrooms, but has been known to appear in the most unusual places. ANTIDOTE: Various types of vaccine available for women. However, once the venom is injected into the body, only drastic measures will ensure complete recovery. There is no known antidote for men. WHAT TO DO WHEN ATTACKED: TORNIQUET: Do not apply a torniquet, as the venom is too deep in the body to be affected. CUTTING THE WOUND: This would be completely unnecessary and ineffective as the bleeding will stop after a few weeks anyhow. SUCKING THE WOUND: This method is the most popular with the victim, but so far has not been reported to have led to any success. MILKING THE SNAKE: 1. Place 4 fingers of the right hand around the neck of the reptile, with the thumb in the front. 2. Grip firmly and move the hand in an upwards and downwards motion. 3. This will result in the snake becoming highly aggressive and start spitting. 4. The time taken for this milking process depends entirely on the milker and the last time the snake attacked. 5. Once milked, the snake should be harmless for about 20 minutes. CONCLUSION: This snake, although it is very aggressive and active, is not necessarily a vermin and treated with the right respect, makes a wonderful pet. |
||||||||||||
| 2004-09-17 | The Washcloth | Rating: 63/100 based on 7 votes. | ||||||||||
| This little boy walked in on his mom in the bathroom and noticed the hair on her private area. The little boy asked, "Mommy, what is that?" She replied, "this is my washcloth." The little boy went on his way. One evening the woman and her husband were beginning to make love and he asked her to do something different and shave her hair off. She agreed. A week or so after that the little boy had walked in on his mother again but this time she didn't have any hair. So the little boy asked with concern, "Mommy, what happen to your washcloth?" She replied, "I lost it." Later that day the little boy came running up to his mom and said, "Mommy, I found your washcloth." She replied confused, "Where did you find it?" He told her that the lady next door was washing Daddy's face with it! |
||||||||||||
| 2004-09-17 | The Purse | Rating: 76/100 based on 10 votes. | ||||||||||
| A salesman was walking down the street and saw a lady to which he had previously sold a purse made out of penis skin. He asked her, "How do you like your new purse?" She replied, "I love it! When I rub it, it becomes a suitcase!" |
||||||||||||
| 2004-09-16 | War Veteran | Rating: 47/100 based on 3 votes. | ||||||||||
| Mr. Johnson got himself a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and very polite. One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. When leaving the room, she said, "Mr. Johnson, your barrack's door is open." He did not understand her remark, but later on he happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open. He decided to have some fun with his secretary. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door was open this morning, did you also notice a soldier standing at attention?" The secretary, who was quite witty replied, "Why no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran sitting on two duffel bags." |
||||||||||||
| 2004-09-16 | Why Doesn't It Taste Sweet? | Rating: 71/100 based on 8 votes. | ||||||||||
| In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman) raised her hand and asked, "If I understand, you're saying there is a lot of glucose, as in sugar, in male semen?" "That's correct", responded the professor, going on to add statistical info. Raising her hand again, the girl asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?" After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl's face turned bright red, and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of class . . . and never returned. However, as she was going out the door, the professor, absoultely straight-faced, answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not the back of your throat." |
||||||||||||
|
||||||||||||
 |
Video Box 1500+ DVD Movies! |
 |
 |
| Our rating : |
|
Deluxe Pass 1500 Adult DVD's |
|
 |
| Our rating : |
|
In The Crack | |
 |
| Our rating : |
|
Teenage Dreams | |
 |
| Our rating : |
|
1 by Day | |
 |
| Our rating : |
|
Babes of Twistys | |
 |
| Our rating : |
