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| 2004-07-07 | Take Just One Pill | Rating: 25/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| "Doc, you've gotta help me! My wife just isn't interested in sex anymore. Haven't you got a pill or something I can give her?" "Look, I can't prescribe..." "Doc, we've been friends for years. Have you ever seen me this upset? I am desperate! I can't think; I can't concentrate; my life is going utterly to hell! You've got to help me." The doctor opens his desk drawer and removes a small bottle of pills. "Ordinarily, I wouldn't do this. These are experimental; the tests so far indicate that they're VERY powerful. Don't give her more than ONE, understand? Just ONE." "I don't know, doc, she's awfully cold..." "One. No more. In her coffee. Okay?" "Um... okay." The guy expresses gratitude and leaves for home, where his wife has dinner waiting. When dinner is finished, she goes to the kitchen to bring dessert. The man hastily pulls the pills from his pocket and drops one into his wife's coffee. He reflects for a moment, hesitates, then drops in a second pill. And then he begins to worry. The doctor did say they were powerful. Then inspiration strikes -- he drops one pill into his own coffee. His wife returns with the shortcake and they enjoy their dessert and coffee. Sure enough, a few minutes after they finish, his wife shudders a little, sighs deeply and heavily, and a strange look comes over her. In a near-whisper and a tone of voice he has never heard her use before, she says, "I...need... a man..." His eyes glitter and his hands tremble as he replies, "Me... too..." |
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| 2004-07-06 | Meat Substitutes | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Which one of these things does not belong? * A Green Bean * A Soy Bean * A vibrator The green bean. The other two are meat substitutes. |
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| 2004-07-06 | How Did Lipstick Get On Your Collar? | Rating: 15/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| "Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?" the suspicious wife sneered. "No, I can't," the husband replied. "I distinctly remember taking my shirt off." |
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| 2004-07-05 | Marooned with Cindy Crawford | Rating: 63/100 based on 3 votes. | ||||||||||
| A young single guy is stranded on a deserted island. As he washes ashore, he sees a women passed out in the sand. Able to perform CPR on her, he saves her life. Suddenly, he realizes that the woman is Cindy Crawford. Immediately, Cindy falls in love with the man. Days and weeks go by, and they're making passionate love morning, noon and night. True Heaven on Earth in the man's eyes. Alas, one day she notices he's looking kind of glum. "What's wrong, sweetheart?" she asks. "I know we're stranded, but we're in love and we have a wonderful life together. Is there something wrong? Is there anything I can do?" He says, "Actually, Cindy, there is. Would you mind, putting on my shirt and pants?" "Sure," she says, "if it'll help." He takes off his shirt and pants and she puts it on. "Okay, would you put on my hat now, and draw a little mustache on your face?" he asks. "Whatever you want, sweetie," she says. Then he says, "Now, would you start walking around the edge of the island?" She starts walking around the perimeter of the island. He sets off in the other direction. They meet up half way around the island a half hour later. He rushes up to her, grabs her by the shoulders, and says, "Dude! You'll never believe who I'm sleeping with!" |
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| 2004-07-05 | Which of My Friends? | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| A sailor came home from a secret two year mission at sea only to find his wife with a new born baby. Furious, he was determined to track down the father to extract revenge. "Was it my friend Marvin?" he demanded. "No!" his weeping wife replied. "Was it my friend Jerry then?" he asked. "NO!!!" she said even more upset. "Well which one of my no good friends did this then?" he asked. "Don't you think I have any friends of my own?" she snapped. |
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| 2004-07-04 | How Many Partners? | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past. "C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?" "Baby, " he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit." Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her. "Okay," he said, then started to count on his fingers "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen . . ." |
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| 2004-07-04 | Sizing a Wonder Bra | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| John was standing in the lingerie store staring at a collection of Wonder Bras. The clerk noticed he had been there for some time and that he appeared to be having trouble picking one out. She walked over and asked him if she could be of assistance. John answered, "Well... if it's a Wonder Bra, am I supposed to pick the size she is, or the size I want her to be?" |
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| 2004-07-03 | Penis Wants a Raise and Promotion | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| The Penis requests a promotion and a raise for the following reasons: - has to work hard; - has to work at great depths; - has to work upside down; - has no ventilation or air conditioned environment at work; - has to work in a high humidity environment; - has to work at high temperatures; - does not get weekends and holidays off; - does not get time off after extra hours of work; - has a hazardous work environment that often causes professional sickness. Request denied for the following reasons: - does not work 8 hours in a row; - does not answer immediately to all requests; - after a short activity period, falls asleep at work; - shows no fidelity to the workplace; - retires too early; - does not work at all unless pushed from behind; - does not leave the workplace clean after finishing work; - sometimes leaves work, too early. |
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| 2004-07-03 | Where is It? | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Jon was looking for a little "action." He picked up a sweet young thing at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. Little did he know she was darn near a nymphomaniac. After six times, she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* time, Jon told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of cigarettes. On the way out, he stopped in the men's room. He stood in front of the urinal, unzipped, and felt a moment of panic when he couldn't find "it." After a couple of minutes of "fishing around," he finally said, "Look, it's okay. She's not here!" |
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| 2004-07-02 | Wanted: Lion Tamer | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking guy in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous blonde about the same age. The circus owner tells them, "I'm not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you both better be good or you're history. Here's your equipment - a chair, a whip, and a gun. Who wants to try out first?" The girl says, "I'll go first." She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion's cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her, so she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them, and then rests his head at her feet. The circus owner's mouth is on the floor. He remarks, "I've never seen a display like that in my life." He then turns to the young man and asks, "Can you top that?" "No problem," replies the young man, "just get that lion out of the way." |
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