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| 2004-07-12 | World Records You Won't Find in any Book | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| MOST SEMEN SWALLOWED Michelle Monahan had 1.7 pints of semen pumped out of her stomach in Los Angeles in July 1991. LONGEST PUBES Maoni Vi of Cape Town has hair measuring 32 inches from the armpits and 28 inches from her vagina. MOST CAVERNOUS CROTCH Linda Manning of Los Angeles could, without preparation, completely insert a lubricated American football into her vagina. ZITS In July 1987, Carl Chadwick of Rugby, England,> squeezed a zit and projected a detectable amount of yellow puss a distance of 7 feet 1 inch. WORST DRINK The most horrible drink to be considered a beverage and safely drunk is Khoona. It is drunk by Afghani tribesmen on their wedding night and consists of a small amount of still-warm very recently attained bull semen. It is believed to be a potent aphrodesiac. MOST OFFENSIVE COCKTAIL This is available from a few select bars in NewYork. It contains tomato juice, a double shot of vodka, a spoonful of French mustard and a dash of lime. It is not mixed, but served with a tampon(unused) instead of a cocktail umbrella and is known as a 'Cunt Pump'. GREATEST DISTANCE ATTAINED FOR A JET OF SEMEN Horst Schultz achieved 18 ft 9 in with a 'substantial' amount of seminal fluid. He also holds the records for the greatest height (12 ft 4 in) and the greatest speed of ejaculation, or muzzle velocity, with 42.7 mph. LONGEST TURD The longest dump ever verified was produced by an American, who produced a 'staggering turd' over a period of 2hr 12 mins which was officially measured at 12 ft 2in. The offender is banned from 134 washrooms in his state. MOST PROLONGED FART Bernard Clemmens of London managed to sustain a fart for an officially recorded time of 2 mins 42 seconds. |
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| 2004-07-11 | Bells | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| What did the little bell say to the big bell? You may have a bigger dong then me but I get more dinging. |
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| 2004-07-11 | Speak Clearly | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| An elderly couple had been dating for some time and decided it was finally time to marry. Before the wedding they embarked on a long conversation regarding how their marriage might work. They discussed finances, living arrangements and so on. Finally the old man decided it was time to broach the subject of their connubial relationship. "How do you feel about sex?" he asked, rather hopefully. "Well, I'd have to say I like it infrequently," she responded. The old guy paused . . . then he asked, "Was that one word or two?" |
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| 2004-07-10 | What Do You Get for $25 | Rating: 15/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| George and Harriet were married twenty-five years. They decided to celebrate with a trip to Las Vegas. When they entered the hotel/casino and registered, a sweet young woman dressed in a very short skirt, became very friendly. George brushed her off rather rudely. Harriet objected, "George, she was nice, that young woman, and you were so rude." "Harriet, she's a prostitute." "I don't believe you. That sweet young lady?" "Let's go up to our room and I'll prove it." In their room, George called down to the desk and asked for Bambi to come to room 1217. "Now," he said, "you hide in the bathroom with the door open just enough to hear us, okay?" She did. Soon, there was a knock on the door. George opened it and Bambi walked in, swirling her hips provocatively. "So, I see you're interested after all," she said. George asked, "How much do you charge?" "$125 basic rate, $100 tips for special services." George was taken aback. "$125! I was thinking more in the range of $25." Bambi laughed derisively. "You must really be a hick if you think you can buy sex for that price." "Well," said George, "I guess we can't do business. Goodbye." After she left, Harriet came out of the bathroom. "I just can't believe it." George said, "Let's forget it. We'll go have a drink, then eat dinner." At the bar, as they sipped their cocktails, Bambi came up behind George pointed slyly at Harriet, and said, "See what you get for $25?" |
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| 2004-07-10 | Why Indians Make Better Lovers | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q: Why are American Indians better lovers than White man? A: Because they know how to stretch a beaver. |
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| 2004-07-09 | Who's Whose | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| One morning a milkman called on one of his regular customers and was surprised to see a white bed sheet with a hole in the middle hanging up in her living room. The housewife explained that she'd had a party then night before in which the company played "Who's Whose" - each of the men had put their equipment through the hole and the women tried to guess their identity. "Gee, that sounds like fun," said the milkman. "Sure wish I'd been there." "You should have been," said the housewife. "Your name came up three times. |
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| 2004-07-09 | The Cost of a Night at the Strip Club | Rating: 35/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| Cover charge: $15.00 Round of drinks: $23.00 Table dance: $30.00 Another round of drinks: $23.00 Couch dance and tips: $50.00 A round of shots: $34.00 Another round of drinks: $23.00 Lap Dance and Hand Job: $100.00 Private dance and hotel room: $500.00 Sending her on her way . . . Priceless |
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| 2004-07-08 | Pickle Bread | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q. What is another name for pickled bread? A. Dill Dough |
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| 2004-07-08 | Impotence Defined | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No Hard Feelings." | ||||||||||||
| 2004-07-07 | Mutual Orgasm? | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Sadie and Esther, two elderly widows, are sitting in a Catskill hotel lobby, people-watching. "You know," says Sadie, "I've been reading this "Sex and Marriage" book and all they talk about is mutual orgasm. Mutual orgasm here, mutual orgasm there, that's all they talk about. Tell me, Esther, when your husband was alive, did you two ever have mutual orgasm?" "No," says Esther, "I think we had Allstate." |
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