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| 2004-07-17 | Shipwrecked | Rating: 20/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| A man was shipwrecked on an isolated island with nobody for company except his faithful dog. Life was getting monotonous until one day he spotted a sheep on the other side of the island. Slowly approaching the sheep, he managed to get it into position and was about to mount it when his dog suddenly gave out a loud bark and he had to give up the idea. A second and subsequent attemps by the man to approach the sheep from the rear always met with similar frustrations. Then one day, a pretty girl was washed ashore almost lifeless, a victim of another shipwreck. After some furious efforts at resuscitation, the man managed to revive the girl. The girl was profusely thankful. "I'll do anything for you for saving my life," she said, "anything." "Good!", said the love-struck man happily. "Can you watch my dog for fifteen minutes?" |
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| 2004-07-17 | The Speech | Rating: 45/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| A father asks his ten year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know!" the child said, bursting into tears. Confused, the father asked his son what was wrong. "Oh dad," he sobbed, "at age six I got the 'There's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. Then at age eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really have sex, I've got nothing left to live for!" |
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| 2004-07-17 | Is It Ok Now? | Rating: 45/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| One day a lady went into a confesional and said to the father, "Father I called a man a 'son of a bitch.'" The father then replied, "What did he do to you?" She retold the story. I was walking down the street when a man came up to me and grabbed my ass. The preist interrupts, grabs her ass and says, "Like this?" She says, "Yes just like that." The priest replies, "Well that is no reason to call him a son of a bitch." So she continued wit the story. "Then he grabbed my breast." "Like this?" said the priest as he grabbed her breast. "Yes, just like that. Is what I did ok now?" "No." replied the priest. She then proceeded. "Then he stuck his penis in me." "Like this?" replied the priest, as he stuck his duplicated the act. "Yes." she said. "Is what I did ok now?" "No, that is still no reason to call him a son of a bitch" replied the priest. She then told him the last part. "Then he told me he had herpies." The priest replied "Why that son of a bitch!" |
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| 2004-07-17 | Perplexing Parrot Problem | Rating: 20/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| Perplexing Parrot Problem Marilyn had a parrot for a pet, but the parrot would embarrass her whenever she came into the apartment with a man. He would shout all kinds of obscenities, always leading off with "Somebody's gonna get it tonight!" In desperation, Marilyn went to her local pet shop and explained her parrot problem to the pet shop proprietor. "What you need," he said, "is a female parrot too. I don't have one on hand, but I'll order one. Meanwhile, you could borrow this female owl until the female parrot arrives." Marilyn took the owl home and put it near her parrot. It was immediately obvious that the parrot didn't care for the owl. He glared at it. That night, Marilyn wasn't her usual nervous self as she opened the door to bring her gentlemen friend in for a nightcap. Then, suddenly, she heard the parrot screech and she knew that things hadn't changed. "Somebody's gonna get it tonight! Somebody's gonna get it tonight!" the parrot said. The owl said, "Whoo? Whoo? And the parrot said, "Not you, you big-eyed Bitch!" |
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| 2004-07-17 | Michael Jackson's Son | Rating: 10/100 based on 3 votes. | ||||||||||
| Michael Jackson and his wife are standing in the delivery room with their new born son. Michael asks the doctor, "Doctor, when will we be able to have sex?" The doctor says "I'd wait until he is at least 14." |
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| 2004-07-17 | Don't Mess With the Maid | Rating: 40/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| A rich Beverly Hills lady got very angry at her French maid. After a long list of stinging remarks about her shortcomings as a cook and housekeeper, she dismissed the maid. The maid, with her Gaelic ancestry, couldn't allow such abuse to go unanswered. "Your husband considers me a better housekeeper and cook than you, Madam. He has told me himself." The rich woman just swallowed and said nothing. "And furthermore," the angry girl continued, "I am better in bed than you!" "And I suppose my husband told you that, too?" "No, Madam," said he maid. "Not your husband, the mail man!" |
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| 2004-07-17 | Looking for Scrod | Rating: 40/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| A Chicago salesman is on a business trip to Boston and had a few hours to kill before catching a plane home. Remembering an old friend's advice to try some broiled scrod, a favorite fish in Boston, he hopped into a cab and asked the driver, "Say, do you know where I could get scrod around here?" The driver replied, "Pal, I've heard that question a thousand times, but this is the first time in the passive pluperfect subjunctive." |
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| 2004-07-17 | The Sex Speed Limit | Rating: 20/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q: What is the speed limit of sex? A: 68 at 69 you have to turn around. |
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| 2004-07-17 | Sex and Mike Tyson | Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. | ||||||||||
| Q: Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex? A: Because mace will do that to you. |
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| 2004-07-17 | Pay On The Way Out | Rating: 45/100 based on 2 votes. | ||||||||||
| Rich, Eddie and Michael decided to visit a prostitute. It was a slow night, so she gave the guys a deal. "You can pay by the inch." When Rich comes back out his friends ask, "How much did she charge you?" "$75 dollars," said Rich with a wink and a smile. Eddie goes in and returns with a fee of $85, and several "high fives." The first two were proud of their prowess. Michael goes in and returns. "How much did she charge you?" asks Rich. "$20 dollars," replies Michael. Both Rich and Eddie started laughing hysterically. "Hey guys," replied Michael, "I'm not so stupid, I paid on the way out instead of on the way in!" |
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