| 2004-07-30 |
The Inn-Counter |
Rating: 60/100 based on 3 votes. |
A man is in a hotel lobby. He wants to ask the clerk a question. As he turns to go to the front desk, he accidentally bumps into a woman beside him and as he does, his elbow foes into her breast. They are both quite startled.
The man turnd to her and says, "Ma'am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you'll forgive me."
She replies, "If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I'm in room 1221." |
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| 2004-07-29 |
Twisted Baby Poem |
Rating: 23/100 based on 3 votes. |
Kissing is a hobby.
Love is a shame.
Boys get the pleasure.
Girls get the pain.
He tells you that he loves you.
And you think its true.
But when the stomach starts to swell.
He says the Hell with you.
60 minutes of pleasure.
9 months of pain.
3 days in the hospital
Little Junior came.
His daddy is a bastard.
His Momma is a whore.
Little Junior wouldn't be here,
If the condom hadn't tore. |
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| 2004-07-29 |
The two boys |
Rating: 10/100 based on 2 votes. |
Two boys walk into a field where a lake sits in the middle. They see a naked woman swimming in there, and one immediatly runs in the other direction.
The second boy runs after him and asks," Why did you run away?"
The first boy replies, "My mom tells me if I see a naked woman, I will turn into stone, and I felt something getting hard." |
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| 2004-07-28 |
A Day at the Races |
Rating: 70/100 based on 3 votes. |
Horses in the race:
Passionate Lady
Clean Sheets
Bare Belly
Thighs
Silk Panties
Big Johnson
Conscience
Heavy Bosom
Jockey Shorts
Merry Cherry
At the Post...
They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosom is being pressured. Passionate Lady is caught between Thighs and Big Johnson in a very tight spot.
At the Halfway Mark...
It's Bare Belly on top. Thighs opens up and Big Johnson is pressed in. Heavy Bosom is being pushed hard against Clean Sheets. Passionate Lady and Thighs are working hard on Bare Belly. Bare Belly is under terrific pressure from Big Johnson.
At the Stretch...
Merry Cherry cracks under the strain. Big Johnson is making a final drive. Passionate Lady is coming.
At the Finish...
It's Big Johnson giving everything he's got and Passionate Lady takes everything Big Johnson has to offer. It looks like a dead heat but Big Johnson squirts through and wins by a head. Heavy Bosom weakens and Thighs pull up.
Clean Sheets never had a chance... |
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| 2004-07-27 |
Don't Screw Up |
Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. |
Willie comes home from work, as he walks in the door Ethel grabs him and says "Come on Willie, we're going upstairs!"
Willie replies "OK - That's one of my favorite things!"
As soon as they get upstairs Ethel grabs Willie and throws him down on the bed and jumps aboard. Willie protests "Stop, Stop, We can't do it that way anymore!"
Ethel asks, "What do you mean Willie, I like it that way and so do you."
Willie replies "You're sure right on that, in fact that is one of my favorite things. But if we do it that way any more I'll loose my job."
Ethel asks, "What do you mean Willie - that doesn't make good sense!"
Willie explains, "The boss called me in the office today and told me - 'Willie - You screw up one more time - and you're fired!'" |
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| 2004-07-27 |
The Relationship Between Kids and Accidents |
Rating: 53/100 based on 3 votes. |
Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
Accidents in the back seat cause kids. |
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| 2004-07-26 |
Condoms in a Gay Bar |
Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. |
Two condoms were walking past a gay bar.
One condom said to the other, "Do you want to go in and get shit-faced?" |
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| 2004-07-26 |
Mutual Orgasms? |
Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. |
Two old ladies were rocking on the front porch, talking about their dead husbands.
One said to the other, "Did you have mutual orgasms?"
The other thought for awhile and said, "No...I think we had State Farm." |
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| 2004-07-25 |
It's Going to Blow! |
Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. |
A guy takes the prettiest girl in town out for a date. On the way home he pulls over to the side of the road in a secluded spot. They start necking and he's getting pretty excited. He
starts to reach under her skirt and she stops him, saying she's a virgin and wants to stay that way.
He says, "Well then, how about a hand job?"
"I've never done that," she says. "What do I have to do?"
"Well," he answers, "remember when you were a kid and you used to shake up a Coke bottle and spray your brother with it?"
She nods.
"Well, it's just like that."
So he pulls it out and she grabs hold of it and starts shaking it. A few seconds later, his head flops back on the headrest, and he screams out in pain.
"What's wrong?!" she cries out.
"TAKE YOUR THUMB OFF OF THE END!" |
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| 2004-07-25 |
Unusual Embroidery Request |
Rating: 10/100 based on 1 votes. |
Once upon a time, there was a woman working at a lingerie counter, and a customer came to the counter with a pair of frilly panties and said she'd like to buy them, adding, "but only if you can embroider 'If you can read this, you're too
close.' on the back."
So, the saleswoman took the panties to the tailor in back, and described the rather unusual request.
The tailor said, "Well, she sounds like a stick in the mud, but I can do that. Does she want block letters or script?"
Since the saleswoman didn't know, she went back around to the counter, and asked, "Do you want that in block letters or script?"
The customer replied, with a smile, "Braille." |
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